


[REMINISCE] MSF TAPE 06: SAUNA

by plingo_kat



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: BBKaz Day 2017, Gen, POV Outsider, POV Second Person, PW Drama CD, Sauna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plingo_kat/pseuds/plingo_kat
Summary: Sometimes all there is to say about something is “uh.”





	[REMINISCE] MSF TAPE 06: SAUNA

**Author's Note:**

> For BBKaz Day! I recently listened to the sauna scene, and. Yep. This happened. Many thanks to SSD to creating this event, it was a blast.

Look, it’s not like you’re a total killjoy or anything, but when everybody tells you about Diamond Dog Command, you don’t believe them.

You’re young. You’ve been in the military for long enough that you think you’ve learned all there is to know, like all cocky little fucks who’ve only been in the Reserves and never seen real combat. You also feel like hot shit because you actually got a shot off at the Boss before he knocked you out, and when he came back from a mission two weeks later he clapped you on the shoulder and told you that you had keen senses. Everybody was jealous for _days_.

But, yeah. You’re new. Peregrine warned you about the Commander your first day – there’s a roster for it and everything – but it hasn’t come up. Poor Swan fell to his charms last week and moaned about it to everybody, which was probably a terrible idea because she’s dating Armadillo, and Armadillo is fucking _hot_. Built like a tank. Somebody is going to spill just for the chance of snatching him away from her.

Honestly, you don’t see it. Miller’s nice looking, sure, but only a douchebag wears aviators all the time. And his _hair_ is just. The absolute worst choice. He could look so much better, is all you’re saying. A solid B+ but not enough to fuck up your current relationship for.

Hell, maybe he’s just a really good talker. You once knew a guy who could convince girls who were a solid 8-to-9.5 on the looks scale to blow him in club bathrooms, and he wasn’t that good looking either. Maybe he just had a nice dick, who knows. But some people are like that. Big Boss is like that, not that he’d ever try to talk one of his soldiers into giving him a blowjob. Probably half the base would do it gladly, no lie, but you doubt he’d ever ask.

Huh? Yeah, you’d totally do it. You bet he’s actually a real _gentleman_ in bed. Like, wild, but pretty considerate. He’d get you off first and then bang you until you forgot your own name.

Yeah.

Anyway, it’s a Wednesday afternoon and you’re off duty, hanging out and shooting the shit with some of the guys. Commander Miller has built an actual, real, honest-to-god _sauna_ out here in the middle of the _tropics_ like the crazy bastard he obviously is, and all of you are debating whether to try it out. Pros: sauna. Cons: everything else.

And then. The door to the sauna is fucking _kicked open_. You’re talking full on slammed-into-the-wall-and-rocked-back-on-one-hinge cartoon breakage. And two naked men come falling out.

Okay, that’s a little bit of a lie. There’s a towel sandwiched between them, but that’s not the first thing you notice when two naked dudes fall out from a kicked open door, all right? You don’t even realize who they are, at first, taking a step forward to break it up, until—

“Boss!”

The rest of you all salute in reflex. That’s when you figure out that one of the guys fighting has an eye patch. And _then_ you realize the other guy – the one who’s getting his ass kicked as he flashes his junk everywhere – is Commander Miller.

“Uh.” It’s probably not the most articulate thing you could say, but it really captures the _essence_ of the situation. Sometimes all there is to say about something is “uh.”

“Look,” the Boss says to Miller. “You’re gonna have to choose. Women, or me?”

You’re paraphrasing there, but seriously. That’s pretty much what he said.

And Miller is all like, “Por qué no los dos?” Only way more choked, because the Boss has him in a hold. You remember him turning pretty red.

At this point you can kind of see how Miller is such a hit with women. He’s well formed, built shoulders and slim waist, just the right amount of body hair, long fingers clutching at the Boss’ forearms… And frankly, he looks _great_ while being choked out. His mouth goes all open and gasping, and he twists desperately in the Boss’ hold. When he turns at just the right angle you see some red nail marks on his ass.

Hell yeah, Swan, you think. Get it, girl.

There’s some stuff that happened after that, nothing too important. Miller tried to get the drop on Snake but got put in his place pretty quick. Boss lost his towel in the tussle, though, and you can say with confidence: Miller has nothing on that guy. Big Boss could _get it_. Too bad he never expressed any interest in his subordinates; you guess he was just that professional.

What? Yeah, of course you stuck around to watch. Those two fighting each other was practically porn. Plus you learned a couple of new dirty tricks – who knew Miller was so scrappy?

Right, right. The point of this whole story.

The point is this: Diamond Dog Command has _always_ been batshit crazy. Russian cowboys with a torture fetish are nothing to a veteran Diamond Dog soldier, all right? At this stage you might think that the Boss is _more_ normal than he was before he got himself all shrapneled up. He doesn’t go breaking down doors anymore, at least, even he does still like to do his weird pipe-climbing parkour shit instead of just taking the stairs.

Anyway.

The _real_ real point: welcome to the team. Get ready to see some shit, and good luck – you’re all just waiting for the next weird crap to hit the deck.

**Author's Note:**

> plingokat @ twitter


End file.
